Prom and Graduation
Ahh, the end of the school year, and for some the end of high school! To those of you with graduating seniors - congratulations, you did it. They survived high school and are one step closer to becoming fully functioning adults. Even though this is a very exciting time, it is important to talk to your teen about how a reckless mistake can make all that hard work and effort meaningless. Every spring we see a spike in fatal motor vehicle accidents in teens, and although the data doesn’t specifically single out prom, it seems reasonable to conclude that prom activities can contribute. I think back to my own prom, and there were a ton of terrible decisions made, and I am sure you can think about yours as well. That said, in some ways teens are more responsible/safe than we were, but they also have many more distractions and influences than we did.
So how do we make this safer for our teens? First, for driving, remind them that any amount of alcohol or marijuana significantly increases their risk of a fatal car accident, and remind them, that having a fatal car accident doesn’t always mean killing yourself in the crash - sometimes it means killing a close friend, something that can haunt them the rest of their lives. Every single year we see the headlines discussing fatal car accidents on prom night, involving young adults with bright futures ahead of them. Also, be careful with the car you lend them. I know one of my teens would like to borrow my car this weekend, but I also know my car accelerates much faster than his, and sadly, I know what I did with my dad’s car at prom - I drove extremely, recklessly fast. So, as much as I would love to lend him the car, I can’t with a good conscience. The 100 horsepower corolla will be going to prom. If you do lend your teen your car, look into the manual for the “teen driver” mode that will limit top speed and sometimes notify you if they try something reckless.
What about drugs and alcohol? I would go over what hopefully you have already been telling them on a routine basis. Remind them that with drug use comes impaired decision making skills, which can lead to tragic mistakes. Your concerns with the dangers of drug use include car accidents, increased sexual activity, sexual assault, accidents (falling down the stairs, etc), and the real issue of accidental overdoses of street drugs laced with fentanyl. I would also encourage you to tell your child you will be staying up prom night to talk to them about their night when they get home. Kids will be more cautious and consume less substances if they know they will be facing their parents eye to eye that night. Sadly, a recent study showed that 87% of kids believe their friends are more likely to drive home under the influence than call a parent or trusted adult to help them get home. Make sure you tell them that you are willing to pick them up from a party or prom if they have been using alcohol or drugs, and promise to wait until the next day to get upset with them. Remind them of the Amnesty Law that allows teens to call the police for help without getting in trouble, when they are worried about an overdose of themselves or a friend. Remind them that your priority is getting them home safely, and yelling and arguing can wait until the following morning.
What about sex? Don’t all teens feel pressured to have sex on prom night? Some of you may remember from my past article that teens are having much less sex than previous generations, so what you may remember as the “norm” from your prom likely does not relate to what your child and their friends are up to. That said, any big event has the potential to lead to teens feeling like they “have to have sex.” I would encourage you to talk about sex with your teen, and remind them that they should never feel pressured to have sex, and when they finally do, it should be because they wanted to and it was the right situation, and not because of an arbitrary date on the calendar. If sex is possible for your teen, make sure you let them know how you feel and discuss contraception if they decide to have sex anyway. Remember to circle back to drugs and alcohol when discussing sex, and remind them that using substances will increase the chance they make an impulsive or unsafe choice about sex during the event.
Lastly, remember it is their prom, not yours. Prom reminds me of sports sometimes in the way parents vicariously live through their children. Recreating what you dreamed about as your perfect prom night puts pressure on your teen, and your dream prom likely does not reflect what theirs is. Recently, at the Fisher dinner table, the topic of corsages came up, and my wife was shocked that our 16 year old had no idea what a corsage is, it seemed like high school blasphemy to us parents, a couple of Gen Xers. But does it matter? Nope. They need to make the night about their expectations, not ours, so remember to bite your tongue a little at some of the odd choices they make while preparing for the big night!
Until next time, good luck parenting (and congrats!),
Dr. William J. Fisher
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