Sleep Training - for Parents!
The first few months of your baby’s life, we will tell you that you need to be on call for them and their needs, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Babies at that age are all animal instinct; they eat when they need to, they sleep when they need to, and sleep and eating are their only priorities. During this time, the best advice I can give is to throw in the towel and switch your schedule to their schedule for the time being. That said, you can still give your baby clues about day and night. During the night if they want to be awake and cluster feed, I would still keep the lights low and talk in soft tones, and during the day when they want to sleep, I would still let the dog bark, the doorbell ring, and keep the window shades open. All of these cues will help set them to a normal human schedule within the first few months.
As they age, they start to become like the rest of us - manipulative. A six-month-old may wake up and cry not because they are instinctively hungry and need calories to grow, but because they know you will come hang out, and hanging out with one of your favorite people while they feed you or talk to you is fantastic, but not necessary for growth or survival. Six months is a time when we will actively try to dissuade you from feeding your baby during the middle of the night. The main reason for this is they can get terrible cavities from breast milk or formula during the night, because when they fall back asleep their saliva dries up and the germs go to town on the new load of sugar you just gave them. And yes, breast milk has sugar that can cause cavities. The other reason to dissuade middle of the night feeding, is that we need them hungry enough during the day to be motivated to try new foods. Hunger is an incredible motivator, and without it, it can be very hard to have your baby try a new, difficult skill, like eating off a spoon and swallowing.
So how can we get through this change at six months of age? By training you, the parent, not the baby. First, I suggest putting them down awake at night when they initially go to bed. All humans wake up roughly four times a night (Even if you swear you don’t, you do, it is just that sleep amnesia causes you to forget that you were awake. Think about it, have you ever known the exact moment you fell asleep at night? Nope you don’t - sleep amnesia). Babies are humans, they also wake up roughly four times a night. But imagine if you fell asleep in your parent’s loving arms, being swayed back and forth to the magical singing of your tone-deaf daddy, and then woke up in a dark crib, all alone. This would freak you out, and when you get freaked out, you become more awake. This is similar to an adult falling asleep at home and waking up in a hotel! You would be terrified. So, let your baby transition to sleep on their own, in their crib without your help. This will also teach them the skills they will need to fall asleep in the middle of the night.
Even with putting them down awake in their crib, your six-month-old baby may cry at night. Why is she crying? Does she need to eat? No, but it may be a habit for her. Does she want to be held? Probably, but at this point it is important to not pick her up off the mattress when you go into the room. “But Doctor Fisher, that is so mean, I can’t ignore my baby when they are crying.” I hear what you are saying, but anything you do will reward her for getting up and calling for you. If I woke up at 2 am and someone gave me 20 dollars, guess who is going to wake up tomorrow at 2 am? Me, because getting 20 dollars is really nice. Your goal when she is crying overnight is to go into the room and reassure her that you exist, and then get out of the room as fast as possible. A quick, “honey, it is still bedtime” and a pat on the head and turn and get out. The whole interaction should be less than 15 seconds. Once you pick her up, she will think, “Yes, exactly what I wanted.” Your job is to reassure her, not make her happy.
When you pull the plug on feeding your baby in the middle of the night and decide it is time for them to sleep 10-12 hours straight, it can be rough. They will call out for you as long as you make it worth the effort. So here is the game plan:
Pick a three - four day stretch where perfect sleep is not critical for the adults
Tag team - pick a time where one parent/grandparent is on duty and the other is sleeping in the basement with ear plugs and a sound machine. For instance, dad on duty from 9 pm to 3 am, and mom on duty from 3 am to 9 am.
Be consistent - if she is crying “all night” go in every 20 or so minutes, and say the exact same thing, like “Susie, it is still bedtime” and then walk out, never feeding her or picking her up.
Don’t cave on the second night! - This is the challenge. You made it through the first night but now you are exhausted, and she is crying even harder the second night, convincing you that Dr. Fisher is crazy and this is just torture for you and her. I promise, giving in now is the worst thing you can do, it just teaches her that if she tries really hard, you will fold and she will win. This is a bad precedent to start with. If you don’t think you can do it, ask a grandparent or other relative to take your spot.
Enjoy night four! - By the fourth night she will sleep like a baby. Congrats, you earned it.
Of all the advice I give, this advice, more than any other, is what I hear most from parents as being some of my best. Definitely give this a go, you will not regret it.
Until next time, good luck parenting,
Dr William Fisher
Fisher Pediatrics
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