Welcome back to school!! This time of the year is a little bit like New Year’s Eve, with anticipation of a fresh start and resolutions about how this (school) year will be different or better than the last. I think most of us would agree that one way to help our kids succeed is to help them become more organized and more independent when it comes to keeping track of their homework, doing their homework, and finally, turning in their homework.
You might be asking yourself, “Why is Dr. Fisher talking about homework and organizational skills, I thought he was a pediatrician?” You are correct, I am, but a large part of my job is mental health, and school is one of the main sources of stress for teens today. Helping them prepare for school will ultimately help their mental health, decreasing anxiety and depression.
As the year starts, I would encourage you to ask them what their plan is for making sure they study proactively and turn in assignments on time. For the majority of us, our kids will likely say they don’t have one, or will say they will do the same thing as last year (which translates to “I don’t have one.”). Some of them will not have a strategy because they rightly assume that you will do all the planning and nagging for them, providing a safety net. This short changes the skills they need to develop now; skills that will help them in college and their future occupations. Also, the odds are you can’t do a very good job micromanaging their academics at the high school level. We are inundated with different internet locations to check out our kids' progress, but to make it more murky, often what you see online isn’t up to date or there are factors you cannot expect to know that influence what you see online. I remember several times accusing my kids of multiple missing assignments, when some of them were not graded yet due to system/personal issues that are out of our control, but lead to inaccurate data online. A large part of high school is learning how to manage your time and complete tasks on time, and it is crucial we encourage our kids to learn these skills while the stakes are relatively low.
I advise my patient’s to start a paper/analog planner with calendar dates with their parent’s help for six weeks. Studies show that for something to become a habit (like putting on your seatbelt, working out in the morning) you have to do it for six weeks before you feel “weird” not doing it. So, for six weeks check their planner daily and make sure they are using it correctly. When we tried this a few years ago, I wrongly assumed that my son would know how to fill in the planner. Then I read my kids planner. He would put the assignment down on the day it was assigned, not the day it was due - it was never projecting what was due over the next week or further. It wasn’t his fault, kids today are centered on apps and notifications, they are often told when to do something, and are not used to making plans independently.
One of the best ways to decrease stress for type A students is to teach them how to break apart an assignment on their planner in order to make it feel less daunting. For instance, if their teacher tells them “Please read The Scarlet Letter, and then write a six page paper, including outline, by two weeks from now” many will instinctively panic or purposely put it out of mind until the last minute because it seems insurmountable. This will build a lot of anxiety, they worry about being able to finish the project, and some kids will feel guilty that they are not working on it when they are trying to relax or have fun. A simple solution is to show them how to put achievable chunks on their planners. For instance, if the planner says read chapter 1-3 on Monday, read chapter 4-6 on Wednesday, start outline on Friday, etc., your student will be much less intimidated by the project because they know they can do those little chunks. This also leads to less procrastination. It is easy to put off something that will take a long time, but putting off a small amount of work is harder to rationalize. As a bonus, when they finish the mini assignment, they gave themselves, they will feel relief and a sense of accomplishment so that they can enjoy the rest of their day without feeling guilty that the project isn’t done.
Hopefully these tips will help your kids get off on the right foot this school year, and better yet, equip them with skills that will lead to success the rest of their lives.
Until next time, good luck parenting!
Dr. William Fisher
Fisher Pediatrics
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