Teen Level Up - Think Like an Adult (at least a successful one)

One of the reasons I went into pediatrics was the opportunity to help kids become amazing adults.  As parents of older children know, it is incredibly gratifying to see your kid accomplish great things, sometimes things you wouldn’t be able to do yourself.  Lately in the office, I have been challenging our teens to level up how they approach adversity and to “think like an adult” - at least a successful one.

Here are some common examples of things I hear in the office, which demonstrates that teens are thinking like kids:

“I can’t remember to take my medicine because we have to get up so early to go to school.”

Kids see problems as caused by external factors that make it impossible to do something.  School is early in the morning (not my fault), so I have to get up early (not my fault), and therefore I am rushing and have no chance to remember to take my medicine (not my fault).  To a kid, the solution is school should start later.  Obviously, this type of thinking will not work out long term, because so much of our world is beyond our control.  

A successful adult would see the problem differently.  I am missing my medicine due to being rushed in the morning trying to get out of the house and arrive at school/work on time.  I can’t change when school/work starts, therefore I must change something else to enable me to take my medicine.  I will come up with a plan to ensure that I do not miss my medication.  1) I will set my alarm 5 minutes early so I don’t have to rush so much, 2) I will put a post it on the mirror in my bathroom that tells me to take my medication, and 3) I will get a pill box so that I will be able to tell if I took my medicine on any given day, in case I am so busy I can’t remember.  Successful adults accept the things they cannot change and manipulate the things they can change to enable them to succeed.  

“I don’t like to read, I am not good at it.”

Kids see a weakness and then assume it is an unchangeable part of their identity.  “I am bad at reading, therefore I can’t read well and never will be able to.”  A successful adult realizes they have a weakness and then comes up with a plan to strengthen that weakness or if that isn’t possible, compensate for it.  It is important to let your kids know the truth - yes, they are not as good a reader as they are at math or baseball, but that doesn’t mean they can’t get better.  It does mean that they have to acknowledge it and come up with a plan to address it.  “I can become a better reader by practicing every day for 20-30 minutes by reading for fun, in addition to whatever reading is assigned by school.”  Let them know this is no different than why they go to baseball practice or piano lessons.  Remind them that if things are easy, they generally are not worth doing, and people grow by experiencing the challenge of overcoming a weakness.

“I don’t eat veggies because my parents never cook them at dinner.”

After 25 years of talking to kids, I know one thing for sure - they will throw you under the bus when they can!  Kid thinking says if Mom and Dad didn’t do it for me, I am out of luck.  Recently an older teen told me about the parents not cooking veggies and I asked them if this is an insurmountable problem.  Is there a way around this obstacle that is stopping them from eating veggies?  Of course there is.  

Successful adult thinking would say, 

“1) It is a given that my parents don’t always cook veggies at dinner. 

2) We have veggies in the fridge and freezer.       

3) I am a capable teenager who understands kitchen safety.  

4) Therefore, I will be in charge of making a veggie side dish or giving myself a raw handful of veggies at every meal.”  I challenged this kiddo to become part of the solution; they could become the veggie advocate for the family, helping not only themselves but the people they love in the process.  

I challenge all of you to challenge your kids to level up their thinking.  Instead of letting the world tell them what they can or can’t accomplish, ask them how they can influence the world to unlock their potential.  Too many adults don’t think like this, and it leads to stagnation and missed opportunities.  Your kids will have a significant advantage with this level up as they enter the adult world!

Until next time, good luck parenting!

Dr. William J. Fisher, MD

Fisher Pediatrics