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wifisher

To those of you with graduating seniors ....

For context, this was originally published through Warren and Lawrence high schools, where these articles originally come out every two weeks.


A few of you may have noticed this article is coming out later than my normal every 2 week pattern.  I have simply been out of ideas, but as is often the case, the lives of my teens inspired a topic.  My senior, like many other seniors, is about to choose which college he is going to. The choice all of a sudden seems super stressful (more so to me I think), which seems odd.  Why should a choice between two good things be stressful?  Isn’t it good to have choices, and when both outcomes are something they wanted, why should it cause so much anxiety?  This stress around a decision with two good, but mutually exclusive outcomes, is called an “approach-approach decision.”  


Seniors making this decision over the next few months may have several worries making it harder to choose.  How can they possibly know what the perfect choice is?  What if they pick the wrong school?  Will they let family members down if they don’t make the “right” choice?  As a proud dad, I have to admit, I am hoping he chooses the “best” school for his major, but he is looking at the choice that is best for his continued transition into becoming an adult, independent of his parents, and the prestige of his diploma is only part of the picture when he makes his choice.  And now, as a parent that spent the last 18 years trying to get to this very moment, I worry that I will make the decision even harder.  My guess is a lot of you are in a similar situation.


So how can we take the pressure off of ourselves, as well as our kids?  First, we have to understand that ranking, prestige, etc doesn’t matter as much as we think it does.  It reminds me of an old joke I heard as a med student - What do you call the person who graduates at the bottom of their medical school?  Answer: Doctor.  For my senior, regardless of which engineering program he picks, after four years he will be an Engineer, and his ambition will have more to do with his long term engineering success than the name on his diploma.  Another way to help ourselves feel less stressed about this choice, is to think of your own “approach-approach decisions.”  How many times did you actually regret the choice you made?  How often did the choice you made seem obvious in hindsight?  Studies show that the vast majority of the time after these choices are resolved, we are confident we made the right choice, and start to see more favorable things in what we choose, and less favorable things in the path not taken.  


So how am I going to handle this?  After writing this, I am going to attempt to make sure he has the information he needs to make the decision that is best for him.  I am going to try to not influence what he does with that information, unless I think it is a very serious mistake.  I am going to celebrate whatever decision he makes, because he deserves it, and frankly so do his mom and I.  Lastly, I will continue to be incredibly proud of him and I will reassure him that he made the best decision, if he needs reassurance.   


Until next time, good luck parenting!

William Fisher, MD


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